The two defense mechanisms that I overuse are supression and intellectualization. Supression as a defense mechanism is when someone consciously put away an unpleasant memory so that they can deal with it later. This is not to be confused with repression which is done unconsciously. Many times I find myself supressing events and emotions that i just don't feel like dealing with at that moment.For example when my parents got separated i just simply ignored everything that was happening at home, I didn't speak to anyone about it and i didn't think about it.I carried on mylife as if nothing had changed. It wasn't until a couple months afterwards that i actually dealth with the entire situation. I also used this defense mechaniosm a lot during the first two years of high school. To me this actually works out well and not only in bad situations but also in situations where i find myself feeling strong emotions. these situations are usually very emotionally taxing for me.
I admit that it is unhealthy for me to supress so much and i believe that if i tried it would be much better if i used another defense mechanism such as sublimation which is to use your emotions from one unpleasant memory or event to fuel something positive.
Intellectualization is the defense mechanism in which you examine your feelings as if you are another person. I also use this alot in my personal life. For example when i am with my friends and we are discussing something important about my life or character i can always join in with them and discuss my emotions, motives, flaws and strong points in a cold and detatched way.That has however turned out to be problematic because i now find myself doing this even when i am soul searching or even when i try to discuss my feelings with other people (which i don't like to do) i end up coming off as dispassionate and emotionless.
That is probably why if you ask anyone who knows me they would tell you that i am usually distant and impersonal.
Neurosis is the unhealthy expression of anxiety the two neurotic needs that i use the most are The neurotic need for prestige and The neurotic need for self- sufficiency and independence. the neurotic need for prestige is when a person desires public recognition and acclaim, material possetions and accomplishment.
I often find myself wanting to be the best at everything that i do. Even in high school i always had to be the best. I am not a person who likes rules but i have one that i hold dear " never compete unless you know that you can win."
I truly believe in this rule and it has provent to be very effective in making me feel good about myself. When i participate in something is because i know that there is a good chance that i am going to win.
To fix this problem i suppose that i could be less competitive and calculating and just do things for fun.
The neurotic need for self sufficiency and independence is also very dominant in my personality.I strive to be independent, i don't like being tied down to anyone. I hate having to rely on other people and that is probably why i am such a loner. I absolutely hate commitment to anything wether it is a relationship or a promise or even a bet. I don't like to be around people much because they usually want to form some sort of bond with you to try to get oyu to be commited to them in some way. For me to have friends but not have any commitment to them i remind them that i don't need them.I would do this by not speaking to them for a couple days or by saying " i don't need to be your friend i am just being nice to you."
my method is working because recently one of them asked me " if i died would you even bother to go to my funeral?" and of course me being myself responded " of course i would just don't expect me to cry."
I know that i sound a little harsh but this is what i do to feel comfortable and i think that my freinds on some level understand that.
I think this is unhealthy and i could fix this by being more outgoing and by trying to get over my fear of commitment. (but honestly i dont see that happening.)
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ReplyDeleteVery good analysis. I believe that the neurotic needs are an area in which you need to work to become a fully healthy individual. It can be hard to take on a task when you are not sure you will be good right away. That was something that was difficult for me to do when I was younger, too. I used to quit things too soon or just not get involved if I felt I would not do well. When I first started martial arts, I was not good at it. It was a difficult challenge, but I now realize how much I grew from continuing and I would not imagine my life without martial arts now. The self-sufficiency and independence is good to some extent, but it does limit your ability to be truly connected with people. Being afraid of pain is normal, but again, if you hold yourself to a distance with everyone, you will miss out on some positive connections. Keep being willing to change and open yourself to new experiences. Excellent job with this journal.